When asked what kind of books you write, you try to avoid the words “self help.” Although self help books have kept many a publisher’s bottom line sound, the genre has a distinctly down-market image “If you know the secret to getting rich, thin or married and can write a simple declarative sentence, you can […]
Month: April 2009
The College Transition
Many of the problems parents and students have with the college transition come from confusion about whose problems they really are. Get clear on ownership of both rights and responsibilities. Stepping in and taking over problems that are theirs, not yours, shields them from responsibility for living their own lives and presents you with dilemmas […]
Divorce In the Family Business
Divorce has financial ramifications in every family business, and emotional ones in every business family. While legal strategies, succession and tax planning can minimize the monetary effects on the business of a marital break-up, anticipating its impact on relationships, morale, and even performance in the workplace is an important consideration, too.When both spouses have been […]
What Are Boundaries?Mental structures that separate the parts of our minds from each other and also distinguish our minds from other people’s minds.Psychologically as well as physically, they are where I end and you begin. Interpersonal boundaries – the ones between people – are the building blocks of all human relationships. They expand, change and […]
Can’t My Grown Sibs Be Friends?
We want our kids to love and support one another, but shared family history may not be enough to keep them together, especially if their lives, priorities and values are dissimilar. Often sibling rivalry that lasts into adulthood gets in the way of real connection. While our immediate impulse may be to make peace among […]
Whose Life Is It Anyway?
How often do we say “When I was your age…” or “If you want my advice…” to our kids? Remember that the world they’ve come of age in is very different from the one we faced when we were younger, so we may not always know best! A key task of postparenthood is turning responsibility […]
THE NEW NORMAL: BOOMERANG KIDS
In the decade after the children of first wave baby boomers graduated from college, the percentage of young adults who live with a parent increased steadily. Although the majority gave the economy as the reason for living at home, a closer examination revealed that was only part of the story: Even before the current recession, […]
When Grown Kids Divorce
You can’t choose who your kids love – their hearts and hormones do that. And you can’t choose who they stop loving, either, or when. All you can do is watch as the romantic vicissitudes of their lives reverberate through the family whose – omigod! – matriarch you seem to have become. All the years […]
The Launching Pad
The College Acceptance Letter Is In the Mail – Now What? Any day now high school seniors will be hearing from the colleges of their choice. Yes or no, thin letter or fat missive, it’s a critical time for parents as well as their young adults, the first stage in launching them into the college […]
Your Money or Your Life?
Financial independence is a hallmark of maturity, which is why money is often the stage on which parents and grown children act out the drama of separation. When, why and how much we help our kids financially depends on what we can afford and whether we think our help will lead to a happier life […]