Comments on: You Can’t Make Your Adult Children Happy, So Stop Trying!

By: When Does Postparenthood Start? | Jane Adams

When Does Postparenthood Start? | Jane Adams — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 00:06:14 +0000

[...] Our 25 and 28 year old sons are gainfully employed and still living at home. I’m tired of cleaning, cooking and picking up after them, but my husband says we have plenty [...]

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By: Melissa Gilbertsen

Melissa Gilbertsen — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:57:28 +0000

I have been doing some research on this topic recently and have been really suprised to learn that what seems to make absolute sense to me: letting the natural consequences of bad decisions turn into effective, although sometimes painful, learning lessons for “emerging adults” is now considered by some “experts” (Dr. Teri Apter and others) as the worse thing you could do. Instead we are supposed to blame society, the current economy,the government, our education system and blah,blah,blah…. instead of these poor “thresholders”. What tripe.

Dr. Adams is correct, you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but your own. I find that we seem to have no problem accepting the blame for our boomeranging children and their so-called unhappiness. They don’t seem particularly concerned about our happiness and how having them back in the nest totally harshes our gig. It’s wonderful to read a blog that calls it like she’s sees it, and points out the obvious stupidity of continuous catering to our children as a means to help them become independent. Besides, rather makes you wonder how they got there in the first place.

By: scott

scott — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:18:16 +0000

its always fascinating when people have opinions about what people should NOT do. thats the easy approach in my view and ultimately not very helpful to either party in this example. its how a lot of republicans in politics think as well – always trotting out their favorite phrase “personal responsibility” when it comes to the issue of helping anyone under the swear word of “liberalism.”

But what is rarely discussed is – what happens next? ok, so you cut off ties, you send people out on their own with tools, education, opportunities, whatever. then what if they still dont have (whatever it is) what it takes to make it? or what if they still fail while trying their personal hardest? then what? is there a net for them anywhere? is there some point they CAN come back to mom for help – be it monetary or emotional? I mean, do you just let them wander aimlessly through life and only hope for the best? and if they still fail using that approach – how is that going to make mom feel any better about her choice to do nothing?